the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
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