I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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