Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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