you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
