Don't you send me to vm
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
The best revenge is premature balding
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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