Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
