is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
