im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
