it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
send nudes
from the living room?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
