I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
