Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
