you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
