she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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