just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
