wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
