if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
