Non-Jews are for practice
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
