just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
