my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
