k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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