i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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