standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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