how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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