If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
