i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
