I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
