Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
