She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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