how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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