Betty ford says i'm here all night
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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