You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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