and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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