I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
