He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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