i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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