i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
