Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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