I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
