we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
