im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
