i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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