Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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