i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
