it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
