Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
