I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
