Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
