I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
