thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
