Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
